How we comforted ourself in the shilly-shallying matter of love


I am sorry I like men. 


I assure you I like men, about 50 years or so, not older.


only 50 years? So you prefer young men?


Yeah. Not older than 50.


What happens at 50?


What happens?


After 50.


My god, they stop to work. They use the same clothes two days. They loose their teeth. Really. How can you see yourself in a bed with a man like that? I know this because I'm getting older, and the people that comes and says ”Hello do you want to date me?” they are really really really grey-haired, old, fat and they wear the same clothes two days. They wear the same shirt two days. When you see the man nr. 2 the same day, you think “Oh, no, I never gonna, what have you done there”.

Transcription of conversation, Rote Rose, Berlin, 14 January 2017.


When I saw you
Across the dating table
I almost puked
You were ugly as fuck
I wish I had a paper bag
To put upon your face
God forgive my sin

Don’t leave yet
We still have 8 minutes left
I will drink a few more glasses
Straight vodkas, double scotches
I’ll make this work coz you’re my last shot
I’m sorryReference caption here, I will love you
It’s not that I don’t want you
I already know the answer,
I just need more dope…

Song »Dope«, Lyrics by Fábio M Silva, performed by Collapsella, The Real Housewives of Neukölln, Trash Drag show S02e03‘Speed Dating’, at The Club, Berlin, 20 Jan 2017.


(laughs) But when you are saying I’m free. I am saying: Ok. You don’t need to be free. But there is a good thing to be free.…


But you know, I don't know what I am thinking about being a sweet partner. Because when you are a partner you have to be yourself and you have to be one of the another part. And it is very difficult...


You need to have some freedom. Now I am here with some ladies. And I want to be here and I like to be here. But I also have another part of my life being together with someone who as not a part of me. So I have different lives, different truths, different loves, yes. I love to be here.


How long have you been with you partner?


My old partner for many years. And my new partner for some months.


So you have a new one?






And? It is a part of life but it is not my whole life.


I love women. Yes I like women, yes. I love women.


And how is it going? 
A: Do you have a girlfriend?


No, but I want to have a girlfriend. But I don’t know. I have someone I love but…


You can not be with her?




And would you get married?


No? That’s good. (laughter all)


I’m not into the marriage thing either.


But you are not interested in men?


Yes, I like everyone. I like men. I like women. Men as women. Men as men…no not men as men actually. (laughter) ..or I think it is a blurry line. I like nice people.


With teeth?


Yes, with teeth!..but this 50, I have to think about that. (laughter). I didn’t think about that.


But in these days, everyone has teeth. It was in the old days that…


You know I have been in a relationship in 40 years. And then I have been in some other relationships and I don’t know, I don’t want to be many years in that, I want to have my freedom. I want to know that somebody loves me especially , but I want to have my freedom, to look at other people, and perhaps fall in love with other people. But I don’t have a wish to find another 40-year relationship, if I got so old. But…no.


And how is that..there are so few role-models.


But the fairytale is perhaps that you are your own story. You have to create your own story, and you have to make your own relations. And it doesn’t last forever but you live as if it is forever. Because even if you know, if you love somebody sometimes the other part is getting away. And you manage and you can plan that it is forever, my life has finished. As I told you I have had a relationship for 40 years and it has ended. What then is my life? Has it finished? No. I still love. I still love people. I still love that people want me. And I have recognised someone among the people that surround me, perhaps more that others, and then I have to reconsider and think that perhaps I love that person for some years and then it is ending. I don’t know. You are too young. I haven’t dared to love another person. Because I now it has to finish at some point.

Transcription of conversation, Rote Rose, Berlin, 14 January 2017

Ich benehme mich anders, wenn ich verliebt bin. Mein ganzes Handeln ist, bewusst oder unterbewusst, auf dich fokussiert. Wie ein Ohrwurm schleicht der Klang deiner Stimme durch mein Denken, lenkt mich immer wieder ab. Wenn ich dich sehe bin ich im wahrsten Sinne liebestrunken. Alles Schöne erscheint mir noch schöner und deutlicher. Was mich sonst ärgert oder stört verliert die Schärfe. Mit dir zu sein verändert meinen Fokus, meinen Blick auf die Dinge. Ich will immer mehr von dir. Was beginnt als verstohlene Treffen, halb geheim und ganz unregelmäßig, reicht mir nicht mehr. Ich will dich sehen, muss dich sehen, dich erfahren, dich berühren, dich einnehmen, dich besitzen. Immer mehr und mehr und mehr brauche ich von dir. Im Nachklang unserer Rendezvous, unserer gemeinsamen Nächte, hinterlässt unsere Begegnung einen Kater. Ich bin unkonzentriert, fahrig, Szenen unserer Begegnung spielen sich in tausendfacher Wiederholung vor mir ab. Ich versuche sie zu fassen, aber sie entziehen sich mir aufs Geschickteste, nur um Sekunden später wieder aufzutauchen und von deiner Verheißung zu verkünden. Wenn du nicht bei mir bist, leide ich. Ich bin fahrig, schlecht gelaunt, ich bin erfüllt von Furcht, dich nicht wieder zu sehen. Ich brauche dich um zu funktionieren, kann mir nicht vorstellen, ohne dich zu sein. Es ist kaum zu ertragen, dass du nicht bei mir bist, dass du anderswo bist, mit jemand anderem bist.

Extract from Liebe 2017 – Ein Versuch by Leon Lothschütz (2017).

He’s equal with the Gods, that man
Who sits across from you,
Face to face, close enough, to sip
Your voice’s sweetness,
And what excites my mind,
Your laughter, glittering. So,
When I see you, for a moment,
My voice goes,
My tongue freezes. Fire,
Delicate fire, in the flesh.
Blind, stunned, the sound
Of thunder, in my ears.
Shivering with sweat, cold
Tremors over the skin,
I turn the colour of dead grass,
And I’m an inch from dying.

Poem »Sappho 31« by Sappho (630 BC–570 BC).

Matachin-like Love
Barred Love
Rotten Love

Besotted Love
Abandoned Love
Anxious Love

Customerless Love Confounded Love
Clouted Love

Minced Love
Loutish Love
Tired Love

Exulcerated Love
Borne down Love
Proud Love

Patched Love
Sparred Love
Fractured Love

Stupified Love
Abashed Love Melancholy Love

Annihilated Love Unseasonable Love Coxcombly Love

Spent Love
Oppressed Love
Base Love

Foiled Love
Grated Love
Bleaked Love

Anguished Love
Falling away Love
Detested Love

Disfigured Love
Smallcut Love
Diaphanous Love

Disabled Love
Disordered Love
Unworthy Love

Forceless Love
Latticed Love
Checked Love

Censured Love
Ruined Love
Mangled Love

Cut Love
Exasperated Love
Turned over Love

Rifled Love
Rejected Love
Harried Love

Undone Love
Belammed Love
Flawed Love

Corrected Love
Fabricitant Love
Froward Love

Slit Love
Perused Love
Ugly Love

Skittish Love
Emasculated Love
Drawn Love

Spongy Love
Roughly handled Love
Riven Love

Botched Love
Examined Love
Distasteful Love

Dejected Love
Cracked Love
Hanging Love

Jagged Love
Wayward Love
Broken Love

Pining Love
Haggled Love
Limber Love

Deformed Love
Gleaning Love
Effeminate Love

Mischieved Love
Ill-favoured Love.
Kindled Love

Cobbled Love
Pulled Love
Evacuated Love

Embased Love
Drooping Love
Grieved Love

Ransacked Love.
Faint Love
Carking Love

Despised Love
Parched Love

Disorderly Love

Mangy Love
Paltry Love
Empty Love

Abased Love
Cankered Love
Disquieted Love

Supine Love
Void Love
Besysted Love

Mended Love
Vexed Love
Confounded Love

Dismayed Love
Bestunk Love
Hooked Love

Divorous Love
Winnowed Love
Unlucky Love

Wearied Love
Decayed Love
Sterile Love

Sad Love
Disastrous Love
Beshitten Love

Cross Love
Unhandsome Love Appeased Love

Vain-glorious Love
Stummed Love
Caitiff Love

Poor Love
Barren Love
Woeful Love

Brown Love
Wretched Love
Unseemly Love

Shrunken Love
Feeble Love
Heavy Love

Abhorred Love
Cast down Love
Weak Love

Troubled Love
Stopped Love
Prostrated Love

Scornful Love
Kept under Love
Uncomely Love

Dishonest Love
Stubborn Love
Naughty Love

Reproved Love
Ground Love
Laid flat Love

Cocketed Love
Retchless Love
Suffocated Love

Filthy Love
Weather-beaten Love
Held down Love

Shred Love
Flayed Love
Barked Love

Chawned Love
Bald Love
Hairless Love

Short-winded Love
Tossed Love
Flamping Love

Branchless Love
Flapping Love
Hooded Love

Chapped Love
Cleft Love
Wormy Love

Failing Love
Meagre Love
Besysted (In his anxiety to swell
his catalogue as much as possible, we has set down this word twice.) Love

Deficient Love
Dumpified Love
Faulty Love

Lean Love
Suppressed Love
Bemealed Love

Consumed Love
Hagged Love
Mortified Love

Used Love
Jawped Love

Scurvy Love

Puzzled Love
Havocked Love Bescabbed Love

Allayed Love
Astonished Love
Torn Love

Spoiled Love
Dulled Love
Subdued Love

Clagged Love
Slow Love
Sneaking Love

Palsy-stricken Love
Plucked up Love
Bare Love

Amazed Love
Constipated Love
Swart Love

Bedunsed Love
Blown Love
Smutched Love

Extirpated Love
Blockified Love
Raised up Love

Banged Love
Pommelled Love
Chopped Love

Stripped Love
All-to-bemauled Love
Flirted Love

Hoary Love
Fallen away Love
Blained Love

Blotted Love
Stale Love
Rensy Love

Sunk in Love
Corrupted Love
Frowning Love

Ghastly Love
Beflowered Love
Limping Love

Unpointed Love
Amated Love
Ravelled Love

Beblistered Love
Blackish Love
Rammish Love

Wizened Love
Underlaid Love
Gaunt Love

Beggar-plated Love
Loathing Love
Beskimmered Love

Douf Love
Ill-filled Love
Scraggy Love

Clarty Love
Bobbed Love
Lank Love

Lumpish Love
Mated Love
Swashering Love

Abject Love
Tawny Love
Moiling Love

Side Love
Whealed Love
Swinking Love

Choked up Love
Besmeared Love
Harried Love

Backward Love
Hollow Love
Tugged Love

Prolix Love
Pantless Love
Towed Love

Spotted Love
Guizened Love
Misused Love

Crumpled Love
Demiss Love
Adamitical Love

Frumpled Love
Refractory Love

Text modified by Annika Larsson, Original text Rabelais, François (ca 1494-1553): The histories of Gargantua and Pantagruel / y François Rabelais ; translated into English by Sir Thomas Urquhart (1653), pg.56-58.

tongue exercise:

use your tongue to write
use your tongue to lick 
use your tongue to click
use your tongue to draw
use your tongue to think
this is technique 

Tongue exercise by Augustin Maurs (2017).

Cheryl gives us advise on the subject of body hair


I’ve got a hairy back
A physical feature that most people lack
It’s something special what’s behind my back
So I’ll turn around and maybe switch the track

Let’s snuggle babe
If warm and fuzzy’s something that you crave
I’ll be your perfect little love slave
There’s just no way I would ever shave

Hairy back, loving it
I’m hairy, loving it

(repeat ad lib)

I’ve got a hairy back
And I use it like an aphrodisiac
My winter coat is always on my rack
‘Cause I’m a mammal baby, that’s a fact

Let’s snuggle babe
If warm and fuzzy’s something that you crave
I’ll be your perfect little love slave
There’s just no way I would ever shave

Hairy back, loving it
I’m hairy, lovin

I’ve got a hairy back
To all you boys who don’t know how to act
You motherfuckers can cut me some slack
I’m just a woman with a hairy back!

Hairy back, loving it
I’m hairy, loving it
Hairy back, loving it
I’m hairy, loving it
Hairy back, loving it
I’m hairy, loving it

Song »Hairy back«, Lyrics by Jake Indiana, performed by Cheryl, The Real Housewives of Neukölln, Trash Drag Show ‘Frrruity #2’, at Rosis Bar, 27 May 2017.