How a bar-goer with his tongue covered a whole camera, and what we saw in his mouth
‘What,’
exclaimed a bar-goer […], and, putting his tongue only half out, and covered the camera as a hen does her chickens.
So we clambered on his tongue as best as we could, and travelled for quite six miles over it before we came to his mouth. But oh gods and goddesses, what did we see there? Jupiter confound us with his three-forked lightning if we lie.
We saw huge rocks like Dental Mountains—I think they must have been his teeth—and large meadows, wide forests and great, strong cities, every bit as large as Shanghai or Karachi.
‘Jesus!’ we said, ‘Is there is a new world here?’
We passed between the rocks, which were his teeth, and went so far as to climb one. And there we found the most beautiful spots in the whole world, fine great tennis-courts, magnificent galleries, beautiful meadows, plenty of vines, and an abundance of summer-houses in Italian fashion, scattered through the fields flu of delights. And there we stayed for quite four months, and never enjoyed ourselves as much as we did then.
After that we went down by the back teeth and arrived at the lips. But on the way we were robbed by the brigands in a great forest, which lies in the region of the ears. We found a little village on the way down—we have forgotten its name—where we were better entertained than ever, and earned a little money to live on. Do you know how? By sleeping. For there they hire men and women by the day as sleepers, and you earn fifty or sixty Euro a time. But those who snore very load are paid a good hundred.
In the end we decided to return and, passing by his beard, jumped on to his shoulders, from which we slid down to the ground and fell in front of him.
When he noticed us, he asked: ‘Where have you come from, Aswan Bailee Akin? From your throat, my friend,’ we replied. ‘And since when were you there?’ said he. ‘Since the time when you went into this bar for the first time’ said we. ‘That’s more than six months ago’ said he. ‘And what did you live on?’ What did you drink?’ ‘My friend’, we replied, ‘the same fare as you. We took toll of the tastiest morsels what went down your throat.’ ‘Indeed,’ he said, ‘and where did you shit?’ ‘In your throat, my friend’ we said. ‘Ha,ha. You’re fine fellows,’ said he.
Text modified by Annika Larsson, Original text from Rabelais, François (ca 1494-1553): The histories of Gargantua and Pantagruel by François Rabelais ; translated by J. M. Cohen (1955).
X
Jetzt schreibt sie! Guck Mal! Jetzt schreibst du! “…wir gehen,…weil ich hab gesagt..” so, sie gehen. Ich sage jetzt: “Ciao L. könnt ihr gehen”, äääh, wir so wie so zusammen man. Hier! “Bleist ihr in Rote Rose?” Guck mal! Weil sie kann mir durch I-cloud i-phone folgen, weiss du. Wo ich bin. Aber wie schön ist das?
Transcription of conversation at Rote Rose, 2 June 2017.
T
I don’t really have a camera at the moment. It wasn’t very good so now I don’t have one.
E
What camera did you have?
T
Sony Alpha 7 roman 2
E
Why wasn’t it good?
T
It is terrible. It shots a bad moiré when you want to shoot anything that move even the slightest. It has a weird algorithm of image so they are all so grainy and, no matter how you do, no matter how right you do it it just looks shit. I can’t even explain why it happens but it was a great disappointment. So I actually wanted to ask about your camera. How well does it do in the dark? It is not very bright here.
A
Very well.
T
This one looks quite small and not too handy.
A
The lens is heavy, my other lens is on repair.
E
But is makes you strong.
A
Yes exactly
E
I had a girlfriend who was a camera-women.
T
My best friend is also a camera women. She always carries around her stuff, so E: But today all the cameras are so light.
A
Exactly, look at Felix, he has a camera in his mouth.
E
Are we disturbing you?
T
Of course it makes…of course I know that you are here and I try to, kind of, not to look stupid. It is not disturbing in the sense of disturbing. I think it is interesting. Yeah, I think it is interesting because I am also, if everything goes well, I will make a similar project in Mexico City. I just have been trying watching how you do it and maybe learn something.
E
So now when you don’t have a camera what will you do?
T
I will have a camera from somewhere else.
E
What kind?
T
Probably an Ursa mini pro.
E
A what?
T
A black magic Ursa.
E
A black magic camera? Tell me about it.
T
It is small. I imagine it is a bit bigger than this one.
E
What made you choose this one?
T
I didn’t my cinematographer did. Well, because in the school we don’t have so much choice apparently it is a good camera. Black Magic. I don’t know how to pronounce it. In finish we would say Ursa. But in english maybe Yrsa. Sounds weird. But the original model is heavy like a fridge, and this is just smaller.
E
Like a little ice box.
T
Maybe like a little ice box, yes. So it shots good quality so that you can work on it afterwards. I guess that is point of it. I never used that camera myself.
Transcription of conversation at Rote Rose,15 June 2017.
J
You have a clitoris, you don’t have a dick.
A
We all have a dick, imaginary or not.
E
Sorry but this camera is…
A
…the biggest dick of them all.
D
You can fuck people with this everywhere
J
But what is this?
A
Well, that is the clitoris. (laughter)
J
Well it is a big clitoris.
Transcription of conversation, Rote Rose, Berlin, 29 October 2016.
Viagra:
I’m so lonely at night.
Need to me a lover
Shall I go to a bar
Oh I forgot,
it is not the 90s
I'll unlock my smart-phone
Place my finger on Grinder
Write the nearest guy: Hey
And hope to god that he replies
An app-whore’s world
A million men write in you hand
Sure most are creepy clads
With faceless spots
But hey I need some loving
An app-whore’s world
Sometimes I wish that I could find
Someone who’d stick around
After we pound
but hell I need a fuck
so what the hell
I can show you my hole
I can send you a picture
Come on mister
Come over
And just let your dick decide
An app-whore’s world
…
so..an endless stream of horny men
So many men in fact
that I loose track
I open up excel make a spread-sheet
It is exhausting alright
And my hand’s probably better
but fuck I gotta try
Who knows I might
meet my prince
and kiss this life
Good bye
An app-whore’s world
And the worst part
That we can’t see
can’t use a peen
to fill your
heart
Song »An Appwhore’s world«, Lyrics by Alex Lee, performed by Viagra, The Real Housewives of Neukölln, Trash Drag show S02e03 Speed Dating, at The Club, Berlin, 20 Jan 2017.